If your sex drive has shifted into low gear, you're not alone.
Loss of libido - the sexual urge or instinct - is a frequent complaint
among female patients, says Dr. Rachel I. Mandel, a Hagerstown gynecologist.
"It's a common problem that's often not talked about," Mandel
says. Many patients are surprised and relieved to learn they aren't the
only ones with a decreased sex drive, says Dr. David H. Solberg, a Hagerstown
obstetrician and gynecologist. Most are in their 30s and early 40s, he
says.
Women lose interest in sex for a number of physical and emotional reasons,
says Dr. Aurelie Jones Goodwin, a psychologist based in Newton, Mass.,
who specializes in sex therapy. Some of the causes are illness, side effects
from medications, hormonal imbalances of testosterone or estrogen, mental
or physical disabilities, depression and alcohol or drug abuse, says Goodwin,
author of "A Woman's Guide to Overcoming Sexual Fear and Pain."
Others include sexual trauma such as abuse or rape, negative religious
or family training about sex, and problems with body image, Goodwin says.
Sex is psychological for women, while for men it's very physical, Mandel
says.
After childbirth, a woman often experiences a decreased sex drive. The
demands on her time and energy become much greater, and intimacy often
gets rationed out, Solberg says. "Even if they close the door to
the bedroom, most mothers will have one ear open to see if their child
needs something," Solberg says. Solberg says decreased sex drive
also occurs in those who are very career-oriented and devote a lot of
mental and physical energy to their jobs. Others may lose interest if
they experience physical pain during sex, or if they are having problems
communicating with their partner.
Causes of loss of sex drive:
- stress and fatigue
- acute or chronic illness
- drug or alcohol use or abuse
- aging
- medication use
- depression
- pregnancy and the postpartum period
- surgical changes and gynecologic infections
- hormonal changes
- relationship problems
- fear of intimacy
- previous sexual trauma
- religious beliefs
- proximity of family members
What you can do:
Recognizing there is a problem is the first step, Mandel says. "There
are real reasons why it happens, and it's OK to seek care. There's nothing
creepy or crazy about it," Mandel says. The worst thing you can do
is to be unhappy with the way you feel but do nothing about it, Solberg
says. "For the majority of women, it's a matter of needing a kick
start to get the process going," Solberg says. If diminished sex
drive is being caused by a medical condition, a change in medication may
help, Solberg says.
When stress is a factor, allow yourself time to relax by taking a bath
or a long walk. Exercise improves libido by increasing overall health,
Mandel says. "Anything that makes you feel poorly will impact your
interest in sex," Mandel says. When the problem is interfering with
your relationship, it's time to do something about it, Goodwin says.
If you don't feel comfortable talking to your partner about the subject,
make a list of conditions that need to be met in order for you to enjoy
sex. They may include privacy, freedom from interruption or pain, or not
being tired, stressed out or angry, Goodwin says. Share the list with
your partner. While diminished sex drive is a difficult subject to discuss
with your doctor, it's an even tougher topic to talk about with your partner,
because often he will feel rejected, Mandel says.
"You have to be careful to make your spouse understand it's not
something he's done or not done," Mandel says. When Oprah Winfrey
featured the topic on her talk show a few months ago, Mandel and Solberg
both got many calls from patients. On the show, actress Cristina Ferrare
said she solved her problem of low sex drive by using testosterone cream.
Testosterone creams have not been proven, and they tend to increase cholesterol
levels and can promote the growth of facial hair, Solberg says. Medications
aren't without their risks, and people can't just take testosterone and
not be vigilant, Mandel says. Solberg says many women want reassurance
that they are normal. "Whatever is satisfying to both members of
the couple is normal," he says.
[A M N News Online]
Last Revised at December 6, 2007 by Amalia K. Gagarina, M.S., R.D.
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