The Nonalcoholic Spouse of the Alcoholic: Victim or Enabler?

Societal views toward the nonalcoholic spouse or partner of the alcoholdependent person have changed through time. In the early part of the 20th century, wives were often viewed as the innocent victims of men who were entrapped into the evils of drinking. This attitude shifted in the 1950s and beyond, when professional articles began to appear that questioned whether the male alcoholic's problems were at least partially caused by marital dysfunction. Women with alcoholic spouses were advised to look within themselves for the root cause of the problem.

In her book Love on the Rocks, Lori Rotskoff said, "This view was common among mental health experts by the late 1940s and the early 1950s, especially those schooled in psychoanalytic theory, which became increasingly popular during this period." Rotskoff also added that "psychiatric social workers perceived the wife's behavior as a sign of neurosis that existed prior to the onset of the partner's alcohol abuse."

Terms such as enabling were created to refer to particular behaviors that allow alcoholic behavior to continue. The prevailing belief (and one that is still held by many individuals today) was that if the enabling ended, then the alcohol-dependent person would have to face up to his problem (it is usually regarded as a male problem), thereby gaining the insight and the desire to seek treatment.

Yet even with spouses and family members out of the picture, the alcoholic must acknowledge that a problem exists and seek treatment for it.

Women partners of alcoholic males were advised not to regard themselves as victims but instead to learn how to deal with their spouse's problem by joining self-help groups such as Al-Anon and sending their adolescent children to Alateen (sister groups to Alcoholics Anonymous). In many ways, however, nonalcoholic spouses were regarded more as part of the problem than as part of the solution. Despite working hard to avoid enabling their spouse or partner and faithfully attending Al-Anon meetings and receiving therapy, many women often found their spouse's alcoholic behavior continued anyway. Some women concluded that they must not be trying hard enough, thinking that they were somehow still "driving" their male partners to drink.

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Mark S. Gold, M.D. and Christine Adamec

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REFERENCES

1. Amethyst Initiative. Statement. Available online. Accessed March 1, 2009.
2. Beirness, Douglas J., and Erin E. Beasley. Alcohol and Drug Use Among Drivers: British Columbia Roadside Survey, 2008. Ottawa, Ontario: Canadian Centre on Substance Abuse, 2009.
3. Berridge, Virginia, and Sarah Mars. "History of Addictions." Journal of Epidemiology and Public Health 58 (2003): 747–750.
4. Blanco, Carlos, M.D., et al. "Mental Health of College Students and Their Non-College-Attending Peers: Results from the National Epidemiologic Study on Alcohol and Related Conditions." Archives of General Psychiatry 65, no. 12 (2008): 1,429–1,437.