Are you an exhibitionist?

Are you an exhibitionist? Maybe even a little bit of one? Have you ever fooled around in the backseat of a taxi, or gotten it on at your parents’ house, or made out in an elevator or stairwell, or enjoyed some great sex amidst the great outdoors?

In my experience as a sexuality counselor, exhibitionism tops the list of frequent fantasies for both men and women and is also the inner desire that couples are most likely to translate into action. So what is it about being potentially caught in the act that’s such a turn-on?

On a simple level, the thrill of possibly being seen or heard while otherwise sexually engaged increases the brain’s transmission of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that’s a close cousin to adrenaline and plays a big role in sexual excitement.

As psychologist Elaine Hatfield says, “Adrenaline makes the heart grow fonder.” And for those couples whose hearts are already deep in the throes of infatuation, exhibitionist behavior may simply be a byproduct of that all-consuming, can’t-keep-your-hands-off-each-other feeling, in which love is not only blind to the opinions of others, but also to their gaze.

And of course, for some, exhibitionism is more a matter of practicality (like when you’re living at home or with roommates) than a function of actual desire.

But still, a propensity for exhibitionism runs far and deep and many psychologists theorize that its broad appeal may be strongly related to our first youthful experiences with the intense pleasure of orgasm, which most of us experienced (whether on our own or with someone else) when the possibility of getting caught was close by - say, in our parents’ house.

And, not unlike the development of a fetish, these formative experiences may establish a powerful link between the particular risk of getting caught and the singular pleasure of sexual gratification.

As a result, even years later, the possibility of getting caught as manifest in our exhibitionistic urges elicits powerful feelings of sexual desire. We may be far from our teenage years (and even have kids of our own), but that doesn’t mean we’re not above acting like horny, hormone-addled teenagers when home for the holidays.

With exhibitionism, there is also an underlying sense of power that comes from being observed - a power in knowing that we may be arousing the watcher(s).

In their recent book on the Internet and sexual desire, authors Ogi Ogas, Ph.D., and Sai Gaddam, Ph.D., note that “one in four webcams on the free webcam network ChatRoulette are aimed at a penis.”

This strong compulsion to experience power through the premise of arousing others would explain why guys like Anthony Weiner “sext” photos to women they’ve never even met. It’s not about specific sexual gratification, but more about a general feeling of power.

While most women probably don’t get turned on by random photos of guys’ genitals, that’s not to say that women don’t also experience a power and pleasure in being desired, hence the female propensity to engage in other acts of exhibitionism just as much as men.