One woman's attempt to help families cope

Stunned by her brother's suicide at age 26, Julie Totten started learning everything she could about what prompts some people to take their own lives.

She found clues in information about Depression. Totten read that her smart older brother's aimlessness, fatigue and weight loss were classic symptoms of the mood disorder.

"I was really upset. He never got any treatment. We didn't realize what was wrong with him," Totten said. "Then I realized my father had a lot of these symptoms. He was talking about how he didn't care whether he lived or died. It wasn't anything new to me. But this time I realized he had Depression."

Totten called her father's primary care doctor and explained her brother had died recently, her dad was having suicidal thoughts, and it was an urgent situation.

"They responded, 'Bring him in right away,'" and sent him immediately to a psychiatrist in the same building, Totten said.

"I felt good we were able to help my dad," said Totten. "It was a terrible lesson to learn that we were supposed to get more involved with my brother."

Totten says there wasn't a lot of information available about recognizing Depression when her brother, Mark Totten, died 14 years ago. And there was almost nothing on what family and friends could do to help.

She set out to remedy that situation by founding Families for Depression Awareness, a non-profit organization aimed at helping families recognize and cope with a loved one's Depression or bipolar illness.

The Waltham-based organization offers education seminars and outreach training on Depression, provides profiles of families coping with Depression, and publishes a pamphlet called "Helping Someone Who is Depressed."

The pamphlet contains all the information Totten says she learned the hard way. It spells out symptoms of depression, warning signs of suicide and ways to get a loved one into treatment. The latter is particularly important, she says, because people with mental illness may deny their symptoms, blame someone else for their troubles or attribute them to a physical cause.

Her father did all three when Totten and her brother were growing up.

Recognizing the problem

Most of the time he was a good-natured father, the custodial parent since Totten was 8 years old. "He's kind of an absent-minded professor type with lots of interests." He enjoyed history - which he taught on the college level - travel and collecting Indian artifacts. "He also enjoyed working in the yard."

But once a year or so, her dad would go through a bad spell. He'd have trouble getting grades in, paying the bills and sleeping. He'd be irritable and withdraw, avoiding phone conversations and social events. He'd drink more alcohol than usual and feel negative about almost everything.