Denial

I never cease to be amazed at how certain some people are that they are not addicted to a substance. But I also understand that this is a typical and important symptom of addiction. It is what we call denial.

Denial is an unconscious defense mechanism. Defense mechanisms are an important part of the psyche; they operate to keep us on an even keel emotionally and to protect our self-esteem. We all use them. Two examples are repression, which allows us to exclude painful or conflicted memories from our consciousness, and sublimation, which allows us to act out unconscious fantasies in socially useful ways. And there are many more.

Denial is seen in a variety of circumstances but occurs in a specialized form in addiction. Basically, a person in denial continues to maintain that an obvious reality is not true. While addiction is developing, the user desperately wants to continue to manage moods with a substance. It's like getting caught between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, you probably know a lot about the particular dangers of your drug of choice, be it alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, or something else. But on the other hand, you cannot envision living life without the option of changing your mood.

You might fear that you could never again enjoy socializing or that you would become overwhelmed by depression or anxiety. You might bury such a fear so deeply that you don't even know it's there. But you have a persistent feeling of hopelessness about ever being able to stop using. One way to manage this inner conflict is to slowly but steadily distort your perception of reality so that you can convince yourself that it is okay to continue using. This is denial.

"I can quit any time I want to" is denial in a nutshell.

"I can quit" is a denial of the reality of the addiction; "any time I want to" is a rationalization. It is an example of the dishonesty that creeps in as addiction develops. The truth of the matter is that you really don't want to quit. You are addicted. You may want to learn how to drink or use drugs and avoid the negative consequences, but you don't want to quit. The addiction is serving a lot of important psychological functions at this point and giving it up involves changing the way you live.

Denial can be subtle or extreme. The longer the addiction is present and the more severe the consequences, the stronger it gets. I interviewed a man at a treatment center who had had five DUI arrests, had lost his job and family, and had been ordered by the court to get treatment. Our conversation went something like this:

It says here in the chart that you have had over five DUI arrests. Is that correct?

Oh, yeah [laughing]. And they've picked me up for public
drunk, too. Probably five or six times.