Sociologists are not love doctors, but they can offer some insights

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The phrase “falling in love” must come from some universal sense of romance as a slippery slope.

Other words, such as “mystery” and “spontaneity” hint at love’s wily side.

But sociologists now know falling in love isn’t as dreamy a deal as most people think.

"The concept of love is a contentious issue in the classroom,” said Katherine Lineberger, a doctoral student and a marriage and family instructor in the sociology department at the University of Colorado. “Love is such a deeply felt emotion that many people get disturbed when sociologists speak about it in a patterned, predictable way. But sociologists have found that it is patterned and predictable.”

People tend to like, love and commit to a person very much like them, she said. Key similarities include all the old standbys: class, race and religion.

But other lifestyle preferences, from career-climbing ambition to recreational favorites, also weigh in on how couples get together and stay together.

There are exceptions, of course.

“There is no formula for being in love,” Lineberger said. “It’s still not an exact science.”

The cliche’ “opposites attract” blossomed in this culture for some reason. But sociologists understand that ideal and reality often clash.

For instance, a battery of broad studies over many years show that Americans hold a “quite negative” view toward infidelity, Lineberger said. Yet, surveys also show plenty of Americans carry on affairs.

“So, there’s a contradiction by what we’re saying and what we’re doing in this society,” she said.

That may be true in the marriage realm, given the 50-plus percent divorce rate.

Still, U.S. Census Bureau statistics show 2.2 million people married in 2003.

Ray Short, a retired sociologist in Lafayette, said he hopes couples evaluate the practical aspects of their union as much as they gauge their feelings.

When Short taught marriage and family classes at the University of Wisconsin at Platteville, students eventually digressed from course work to ask personal questions, he said.

“The number one question was ‘Prof, how do I know when I’m in love?’” he said.

Short answered the question using 14 clues published in his 223-page book, “Sex, Love or Romance,” republished in 2004 by Frederick Fell Publishers Inc.

But his main take mirrors Lineberger’s: that true lasting love grows best between highly compatible people.

“Have hundreds of things (in common),” he said. “The more you have, the better you’ll do. It just makes sense.”

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