|
BBC News Online science and technology writer Ivan Noble was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumour last August.
Since then he has been sharing his experiences in a weekly online diary.
It has been a busy week and busy has meant less time to worry.
Our daughter's chickenpox disappeared almost as quickly as it appeared.
Either she has a superhuman immune system or, more likely, she had a really mild dose.
It is a harmless enough infection for most children, but nevertheless I am very glad to see her back to normal. She did look very funny covered in calamine lotion, though.
Her rapid recovery has meant that I am back at work, where I am happy to find myself working on three different things at once and, I hope, not making too big a hash of any of them.
Layers of normality
Putting back on the layers of normality and finding that they are comfortable and still fit is a really good feeling.
|
"Even if things went really badly and I was not around for much longer, I would be leaving at a happy time. " |
|
|
When I was first diagnosed, I was catapulted forwards in my life to a position where I thought my life was almost over, as if I had become an old man overnight.
Now I have no particular evidence that this has changed except for the fact that I continue to feel strong and well.
I have decided to try to tackle all the anxiety about my scan by being more willing to make plans and get back into what was my normal life.
Looking after our daughter last week was hard work but great fun at times, then going back to work I found myself caught up in thinking about what I am working on and I realised that these are the things I want to do.
I was doing them before because I wanted to, so there is no reason to stop now.
Not dwelling on worries
I will always have scans and tests to face so I think that I should try not to let the worry make me put things on hold.
Having things on hold means having time to dwell on my worries and that is what allows them to grow.
The other thing that has made me less miserable about the scan is realising that even if things went really badly and I was not around for much longer, I would be leaving at a happy time.
I spent a very long time looking for the kind of relationship I now have with my wife. When our little girl joined us, I could not and still cannot think of anything that I would ever want to change.
Of course it would be a tragedy if I had to leave them but I feel strong enough to hope that I will not have to just yet.
All this introspection has been uncomfortable and tiring, not just for me, but I hope now that I can be a better father, colleague and husband as a result.
Your comments
There is much hope for you Mr. Noble. Both of my parents are cancer survivors. My mother had breast cancer in 1981 when much less was known about it than now. She underwent very intense chemotherapy for weeks after the surgery to remove the tumour. During the treatments, she lost all of her hair and would spend the entire day on which she would receive a treatment on the couch vomiting. It was a very horrible and frightening time for all of us. She is VERY much alive now and in perfect health.
My father was diagnosed with colon cancer in the early 90's. He too went through chemotherapy, but his was far less stressful to the body than my mother's treatments (what a difference 10 years made!). He too is alive and very healthy (he likes to brag that he is bench pressing over 300 pounds in the gym again.) You hang in there. You can very easily survive and live your life normally again. I've seen it twice now.
Gary, USA (American)
My father in law had cancer in the throat two years ago. He has recently been told that he now has incurable cancer and will not recover from a cancer that is taking over his whole body. I am usually a very positive person but am finding it very difficult to give positive messages to a close relative that you know has limited time. Please let me know if you have any advice, as I found your articles very helpful.
Kay, UK
I continue to live, as I have from an early age, with losses of friends and family due to cancer. I can still see and hear each of them and think of them regularly. As I read your article, I realize how each of them has been, and continue to be, mentors as I move through life and career. Who knows what the future holds for you, but I suspect it will be positive in ways you cannot imagine. Best regards, Mike.
Mike, USA
I too have chanced upon your writing. A dear friend of mine, Anita (a 23 year old Kiwi girl), died last year from a brain tumour after only a few weeks of illness. It was tragic. Visiting her Mum in NZ was harrowing. We were and are very sad, because we miss her. Her bravery was nothing short of remarkable, as yours is. I admired her, and I admire you. You two are inspirations for us lesser people.
David Allen, UK
That's a lovely, and very human, way to look at things. I'll pray for you - that one day you'll be cured and won't need anyone's prayers anymore.
Ross Manning, UK
Ivan, you are a very brave man. One of my biggest fears in life is cancer as I've seen many family members and friend's parents fall victim to it. I have read many articles that support the view that a positive outlook is something that can overcome cancer. You clearly have this positive outlook and I hope it sees you through many happy occasions and into old age. My thoughts are with you and your family. Simone
Simone Gray, Scotland
As the girlfriend of someone who has to have regular scans and check-ups after remission, I can understand why you think your introspection is tiring for you and for your family. All I can say is share as many of your worries with your wife as possible - I find being shut out of my boyfriend's thoughts the hardest thing to deal with. Good luck Ivan, my thoughts are with you.
Lynne, Scotland
Wonderful, positive thoughts. Just keep on thinking this way until the scan is over. I now read your contribution first every week to see how you are doing.
Penny Brayfield, USA(British)
We all have many choices in life and a key one is to control our emotions, and not be a slave to them. You seem to have done this and I can only imagine how difficult that must be in your situation. I think that to have the attitude you have had all the way along, and to see it become what it is today is an inspiration for us all. Great to read that you are doing so well and I am sure I speak for many people when I say that I have great admiration for your strength and the love you have for your family. I hope and believe that this will allow you to recover 100%. Your impact on your readers is probably larger than you will ever know. Good luck and good health
Adam, UK
Content provided by ArmMed Media
Revision date: 12 December 2007
Last revised by Amalia K. Gagarina, M.S., R.D.
««« »»»
|
